On Jan. 20, 2009, America was abuzz with excitement. After eight long years of late night comedy’s treasure trove of hi-jinx, the time had come for a new family to occupy the White House. Along with his promise of “Change We Can Believe In,” Barack Obama brought with him to the world stage one of the most beloved first ladies in recent memory.

Since that day, Michelle Obama has lead the fight against childhood obesity, by starting the “Let’s Move!” campaign to encourage kids to eat healthy, exercise, and go outside and play.

Unfortunately for her, a free game on smartphones has spread like wildfire and done a better job of getting people to go outside in a little under three months than she has done in almost eight years. For those of you that have not noticed, there has been an epidemic sweeping across the Earth that has people wandering around in drones on city streets, and more obscure places, for the satisfaction of catching a virtual fictional animal.

This epidemic is none other than “Pokémon Go,” a game that allows players to catch Pokémon in the real world, in real time. It also allows players to go to various “PokéStops” and collect items that will help them on their never-ending quest “to be the very best, like no one ever was.” But that’s about it. No Elite Four, no battling, heck, there isn’t even a Team Rocket (or generic equivalent) in the game. Just three “teams” that are a failed lackadaisical attempt at recreating the houses in Hogwarts.

Now, I will admit, “Pokémon Go” is nothing short of a phenomenon.

Yes, this game might be a fun way to go get some exercise and explore the world while reliving your fondest childhood memories, but it has also become a cancer to society.

Car accidents, pedestrians getting hit, armed robberies, and according to a press release by the City of Encinitas, California, two people have even fallen off of a cliff.

All of this has resulted from faces being buried in a smartphone.

In the instant-gratification world we live in, nothing will quench a millennial’s thirst for superficial satisfaction better than “Pokémon Go.”

Whether it is showing off a rare monster to someone that does not have it, or pulling out your phone in order to display your collection of 47 Magikarps that nobody asked to see, there is something for everyone in this game.

I’m sure most millennials are happy to play this instead of facing the harsh reality that, according to Bloomberg, college costs are rising faster than the inflation rate of the U.S. dollar, not to mention the fact that in 2012 the Federal Reserve reported that “44 percent of college graduates were working a job that does not require a four year college degree.”

But like I said, 47 Magikarps. Fortunately, the hype surrounding “Pokémon Go” seems to be dying down, as I have not heard people drone on about it in as much deafening frequency as before. With any
luck, people are realizing that the best things out in the world to search for and catch cannot be found on a screen.