Not very many people are comfortable talking about sex. “Not dinner table conversation,” the saying goes. That in itself is a shame, but there’s one angle of the sexual conversation that gets even less attention: abstinence.

To be clear, abstinence is the withholding of sex and/or sexual acts. It does not equate to being a prude or a shut-in or a religious devout. Abstinence doesn’t require you to dress a certain way or not include yourself in sexual discussion. It just means that sex, the act, the physicality, isn’t there. Yet.

The concept of choosing not to have sex is becoming a stranger and stranger one in a society that becomes more and more comfortable with sex being blasted into our faces 24/7. But it is an option, and one that should be talked about by more than religious or educational institutions. So much of the information on abstinence is propagated and created by these institutions and nowhere else that sometimes the facts get exceptionally skewed. This creates the divide between people on the left, who claim absolute devotion to the idea of saving ones’ self, and people on the right, who laugh at the ridiculous rigidity of sexual maxims and fly in the face of their regard.

The big thing here is about understanding your choices. The only reason you should be doing anything with your body, or not doing something with it, is because it’s what you want. Not your parents. Not your preacher. Not your teachers. You.

If you’ve been drilled and drilled with lessons in chastisement and preserving your purity, but you can’t make it through to the end of the day without running off to the hallway/bathroom/anywhere-but-here to calm yourself down after seeing that hottie with the accent in Math class, don’t feel ashamed. Humans are sexual creatures; it’s in our biology and we owe our lineage to it, and an iron-clad resistance to entertaining your desires isn’t healthy. Psychologically, sexual repression that goes on too long can lead to problems ranging from severe depression to uncontrollable frustration or anger.

But on the opposite side of the spectrum, do not think that you have to have sex. That level of intimacy can be incredibly intimidating and scary for even the most confident people. You don’t have to have sex with anyone if you don’t want to, including boyfriends/girlfriends or your spouse. Sex, at its absolute best, is a consensual choice between two adults. If you’re not in the mood then it won’t be good anyway. And trust me, if you’re going to do something like sex, ya gotta do it right.