I hate when the teacher announces a project, saying that we have to work in groups.Maybe it is because I dislike when students sit there like they are not paying attention, do not care about what is going on around them, or are preoccupied on their smart phones.

When I last worked on a group project, one guy was on Facebook checking out his friend’s recently posted photos.It sure looked like fun. There was a palm tree in the background and the guy was drinking from a frosty glass with an umbrella in it.The girl was reading the assignment, and then attempted to summarize what we had to do.I sat there thinking, why do I have to be part of a group when I am able to do this assignment on my own in a fraction of the time?

Trying to organize a group to do something is excruciating.I would rather drink bat urine or eat a yak penis, or some other awful stunt that is a Fear Factor staple.Hell, add some grenadine to that urine to make a cocktail and some hot sauce on that yak wood and I can walk away with less discomfort than being in a group project.First, I have to get this dude’s attention off of his friend’s enviable vacation photos, where he is now in a group pose frozen in time laughing his cares away.Then I have to get the girl who at least read the assignment to focus on what part of the project she can do.Third, I have to organize the tasks evenly so that we all have a contribution to this project.Fourth, I have to stop taking the initiative in being the leader to these group projects.

There are so many different personalities when working in a group.I have been in enough groups to last me a lifetime, yet these group assignments follow me everywhere like lost dogs.Perhaps I am the pied piper of confused and inattentive students everywhere who ride off of my work, usually pulling in the A grade.

The aloof one: the student who was late to class and did not catch what was going on.He is thinking of other things, just not in the present moment with the rest of us.He seems confused by the group discussion and offers minimal work to the group project.

The tech tool: This guy has the computer open to Facebook, tweeting, and reviewing Instagram photos all at the same time.He is so engrossed in liking photos, he misses what group he was placed in.Members of the group find it difficult to get his attention, so it makes more sense to add his name to the project without asking him to contribute anything.

Cute girl/dumb as a sock full of rocks: This chick is nice to look at.The guys sit close to her and ask her questions that are not related to the group assignment.She smells like Victoria Secret’s True Escape and tosses her curly, flowy mane over her shoulders.Guys are mesmerized by her glossy lips when she says ever so sweetly, “What are we supposed to do?”Her tinkly laughter and wide eyed embarrassment encourage all to not take her too seriously.

The group leader: this chick organizes the project and tries to find what each group member’s strength is.She then tells each person what they are responsible for and trades emails with everyone.She then does the part for the aloof one, steers the tech tool to organize us on Google group chat, and writes the part of the cute girl, since the cute girl said she would use her store discount to pick up a bracelet for the group leader.After all is said and done, the group leader adds all names to the project and submits the work to the teacher.She prays that there are no more group projects.Next class meeting, the g bomb is dropped yet again.This time, maybe the group leader will just fall back and let it all play itself out.I look at my new bracelet while the group is getting settled.