You suck at sucking. Yes, you do. Well, okay, maybe not you, in the back, but only because you’re probably practicing as we type.

There’s this preconceived notion that it’s really easy to get a guy off. It’s incredibly easy for a guy to get himself off, sure. That’s probably the real reason behind minutemen and the thousands of unsatisfying sex lives. I mean, boys can’t help it; we’ve been practicing since the first morning we awoke to find our bed-sheet fort pre-pitched. I mean, we’ve learned how to make due with tube socks. Even if you’re doing an “ehh” job down there, we’re too excited to finally achieve our yearly cookie to even think about critiquing your cooking.

Aside from the handful of God-sent, enthusiastic ladies out there who can’t help buying cherry-red tootsie pops on the way out the convenience store, most of the men I asked around Skyline just seem to shrug their shoulders in acceptance. Head is head, and men don’t have the balls to complain, or the wallets to entertain. But ladies, for god-sakes read a book or something.

I know that I used to really suck at it, too: going down on women I mean. But I also loved it. I guess I have a propensity for southern climates, so I cracked open a book and I learned what few men dare to do: how to please your woman. Afterwards, I found smiles commonly accompanied my cuddling.

The same needs to happen for women. Even if you think you might be alright, hit your local bookstore and ask some awkward questions. To give some background, the best experience I’ve ever had lasted about 20 minutes and I was so entranced that I wouldn’t have known if a typhoon was rolling by. Really good oral takes time.

It also takes enthusiasm, even if it has to be superficial. I’m sure it’s happened to many a woman before, but imagine the utter boredom of a cardboard-cutout couple copulating via calendar date? You need to make him feel like you’re, kind of maybe, enjoying yourself. No, not yourself, you’re enjoying him! Even if you don’t particularly enjoy the act, what is love if not compromise?

I mean shoot, if you inspire amazing things in him, maybe he’ll be inspired to do amazing things to you.